Often the most difficult birth experience is discovering that being more informed could have saved you a lot of distress.

And that trusting it will all work out was all you needed - nature sets us up to win and we often sabotage this through fear of the unknown - rather than being with those who do know how to help out - women who have made their life work being with women whilst they birth.

That the midwives are the experts in birthing and the obstetricians are the surgical rescue team that are only needed when normal is not happening/has been highjacked. That the interventions give everyone something to do and make the money spent look worth it - but the niggle in the back of the mind is always there - 'why didnt I just . .. . ' (insert whatever now seems appropriate). Waiting and trusting your body and birth is a very common forgetting.

In hindsight you may also realise that all the external activity - attending all the pregnancy yoga/massage/natural therapists/drinking all the red raspberry tea/taking courses in relaxation/ reading all the books and eating well was not enough. That possibly looking to the inner programmes that were running whatever BELIEF you had on board underneath it all was actually where to start birthing /mothering preparation. This may be borne out when you start reading other women's stories and you start questioning - 'was that all necessary?' Also about what changed their perspectives after birthing the way they thought was the 'right' way the first time.

We all have heaps of time after birthing to think it all over AFTER WARDS.
Often there is little assistence as life barrels on.
Often these awkward thoughts are then is stored away and may come out when you start reading anything I have assembled here to assist informed choices. OR when you start listening to other's and the emotions they have gushing out - as I do - often years afterwards - as fresh as when it all happened.

That women centred birthing and preparation via CHILDBIRTH EDUCATION is the most important investment and that no one told you - or that you didn't listen.

I wrote "What Dads Can Do' as I wish I had had this resource when I waas making babies. It would have meant such a different life now - as all that happened to me - like everyone else - was due to wahat I thought was best at the time.

PLEASE - look to how birthing is so normal and natural and how bonding/breastfeeding and mothering are influenced FOREVER through the choices we often allow others to make on our supposed behalf. If fear is tapped into to run the discussion - look out !!- the emotional manipulation needs to be backed up with ACTUAL research. Very likely you are just trusting whoever told you whatever as it must be safe otherwise they wouldn't do it - right?

(Vaccination of newborns is a great one to investigate - there IS no safe way to kickstart something - baby's immune system - how did nature get THAT so wrong??? - of course it didn't - another example of meddling - how is all that autism and allergy and unwell kids happening all of a sudden? Baby was designed to be gentled through mum' s body first - vaginal bacterial environment introduction -not surgical theatre 'germs', followed by collostrum to line the gut - not formula to hasten fattening up as baby is too small as baby was hassled out because . . .)

Or that they are a 'specialist' or should know because . . .but if you start pushing for the evidence, you may find yourself sidelined as being a 'very difficult' person.

Or that 'everyone knows . .. .' What everyone DOESN'T seem to know is to be found in Henci Gorer's new work "Obstetric Myths and Research Realities'. If you are having an inner war about who to believe - try our own body and your baby." Instinctive Birthing - Heeding Your Inner Voice" by Val Clarke is a very easy to read, positively powerful beautiful affirmation of 'of course you can'.

So too is visiting http://www.bigbaby.org.uk Who said women can't birth?

Please start questioning - and demanding information and ask the akward questions and see what happens when you start being your baby's (and your own)advocate - as life for you may get far more uncomfortable if you let other's agenda get in the way of the most important time you will ever have with your baby - the introduction to life and each other - outside your pregnant belly.

Many women come to me to do it differently this time - and often it is after an immensely traumatic time trying to come to terms with the emotional catastrophes that visited them when they got over the physical repercussions of the cascade of interventions that they sanctioned - through not realising that 'due date' is just an ESTIMATION and not a given - that ovens in our kitchens all cook slightly faster or slower or at least differently according to their age/condition/make and model and so do our inner baby making bits all differ slightly and one size does NOT fit all.

That being 'overdue' is how 50% of women (to get the bell curve) will be - and that the first time is at least 10 days before any subsequent birth - so being 'overdue' is normal the first baby and NO cause to allow all the worry and things done to supposedly save baby from ??? as baby is usually very safe until labour happens naturally - regardless of how much mum is feeling uncomfortable and 'over it'.

It can get a lot worse - and very often does - if we go in to hurry baby out/extract baby before baby has signalled s/he is ready to breathe/eat and organise life outside mum. Breaking the bond and the process that nature has set up so every aspect of later life together is easy is NOT safe. Please investigate 'physiological third stage', 'cord clamping' and anything Dr Michel Odent or Dr Sarah J Buckley have written. You are having a baby to enjoy open hearted connection and loving/living - don't close yourself and baby down just because you are scared of birthing. Find someone who has a map to help you out of there - midwives and doulas are a great start if pregnant.

It is women's business - just like our sexuality and our bleeding .

Please be kind to yourself as you reflect on what you believed at the time you allowed others take over your life choices. As Gayle Petterson says in her wonderful book "Birthing Normally" - 'as a woman lives her life - so shall she birth'. We can change anything - it starts with becomng conscious - opening our eyes - seeking informed choices - and having the intention and the will to actually be present - the best gift you can give anyone.